"Truth seems to want expression. Unaknowledged truth saps your energy and keeps you and your characters wired and delusional. But when you open the closet door and let what was inside out, you can get a rush of liberation and even joy. If we can believe in the Gnostic gospel of Thomas, old Uncle Jesus said,"If you bring forth what is inside of you, what you bring forth will save you. If you don't bring forth what is inside of you, what you bring forth will destroy you." - Anne Lamott, "Bird by Bird"
As so often at the beginning of the new year, it seems like a good idea to start something new, or to leave something behind, to make an effort to reinvent ourselves. It seems as if there is a need to do something, to change into something other in order to succeed, or to do a make-over, which will solve all of our problems.
How about if instead of reinventing ourselves, we simply allow ourselves to be more of ourselves? To show up with our honest opinions, our true feelings and long hidden desires? How about if we allow those funky moods we sometimes get in, to become fuel for funky drawings? How about if we don't appease a close family member and speak honestly, like we say in german "free from the liver"? What would happen? If we bring forth what is inside of us, as Anne Lammott reminds us to do, if we speak our truths, dance to our favourite music , take a photo of what inspires us or draw the line that needs drawing (figuratively or literally speaking), what would happen? What's the worst thing that could happen? Anne talks about characters in her novels, letting them come out of the closet, otherwise they get weird or delusional. How about we come out of our closets and we don't get weird or delusional or frozen or frustrated or passive aggressive or cranky or or or....
I have had the great fortune to study with Robert Augustus Masters in the last two years and he told me in one of our single sessions together to "dance through my writing". My inner critic loves to send me all sort of sarcastic messages for wanting to write. My favorite one is: "Ah so you think you are a writer now!" My inner critics name is Zeus, he is a grey-haired, academic literatur professor, at a german university and he smells of dandruff. I do have another critic that sometimes shows up (great, I have two!), her name is Becky. She is a middle aged housewife with three kids in a suburb of Chicago, her house is always clean, her hair and make-up perfect and she has everything under control.
Zeus showed up last year during Roberts shadow work training. Becky has been around for a long time, I named her while working on "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron about 25 years ago. Both Robert and Julia suggest fleshing out the details of our inner critic in order to be able to visualize them, to have direct conversations with them and in order to stand up to them. For me it really helps to a) aknowledge that this inner critic is a part of myself and they have value, b) that I happily project them onto other people (preferably onto those who look and talk a lot like them), c) that I can have negotiations with them, d) that I can empower myself from them as long as I do a) aknowledge that they are a part of myself and they have value.
In an interview with Anne Lamott she said that before sitting down to write, she sends her inner critic to a beautiful, well-lit library for three hours, with permission to come back after she is done. Or a really beautiful sailboat ride on the ocean. Or a blind date with a handsome, intelligent man. Whatever works for you, I guess.
So here is my new years resolution... to nurture my inner truth, my inner artist anywhere, anytime and anyway she likes. Come join me.
Robert Augustus Masters - https://www.robertmasters.com
Julia Cameron - The Artist Way
Anne Lamott - Bird by Bird
Comments